She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
