but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
