please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
