I got chris browned last night
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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