if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
