He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
