Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
