You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
