remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
