he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
