P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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