He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
