Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
