I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
