Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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