nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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