I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
