dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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