This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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