Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
