all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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