Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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