fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
