I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
