my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
