so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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