I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I cockslap morals
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
