I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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