Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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