After last night, I could never be a politician.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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