wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're a waste of cheezeits
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
