Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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