Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
