you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
