i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
