Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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