There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
