he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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