He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
