By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
