I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
