I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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