upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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