Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
