He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
