i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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