Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
