Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
