How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
