I can text with my tongue
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
