The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
