You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
