im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
