one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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