I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
