You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
