Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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